Saturday, April 12, 2008


Here I am again, fulfilling my promise. I am really sick so I thought this is going to be short again. Anyway, I’m so glad it’s a weekend; although we missed the pediatrician’s consultation, we went to the mall and I know Raj had fun, too. You see, we’ve been sort of keeping him isolated and protected and it’s affecting his social development. But we are trying to make up.

I realized lately that Raj has developed more affinity towards his Tatay than me and being the mother, I got disturbed by the reaction. But you see, I couldn’t disagree more that Karl has demonstrated better sympathy for him than I have. Sometimes I have this tendency to shot my indifference towards anybody when I’m tired or whenever I feel like it, and I failed to make my baby an exception. You know, babies can demand a lot and I’m still trying to adapt to the behavior. It doesn’t help not having had plenty of times in the past when I offered sympathy towards people other than myself.

So that’s among the changes that I’m trying to embrace. But to tell you honestly, ever since I got married and had this baby, things have fallen into place. I have acquired the true sense of direction and commitment that I haven’t had before. My family has been my greatest blessing so far – all of them, including my parents and sister! Now I’m just so glad that I’ve got new people into my small sphere of comfort and security – Karl’s family.

Moving on, I’ve always been the person who didn’t have many friends – I’ve considered my relationships with them obligatory – if only to comply with life’s social requirement. But really, I am quite complete having my family as my sole source of support, happiness, and company. And it’s probably because I also talk to God more than I realize, hence the happiness that comes from within. Seriously.

Besides, sometimes I am aware that no matter how I try, I’m just not good at relationships with other people. I mean, they probably like me because I’m someone who seems to exhibit kindness and integrity although tends to shy away from things that upset her own reality. But I’m not here to please others, nor hurt them deliberately. I am just me and sometimes I probably have more things to write than speak that’s why I love being with myself. In fact, to this day, I could say that my family alone knows that I have a lighthearted and acutely funny side.

Everyone else I’ve considered passing acquaintances, although a few have made an exception. I dare admit that I’m not a consistently sociable person; I just reach out to others whenever the need arises or whenever I am needed. For me, little things count when I decide and want them to.

But you know what, at the end of the day, I’m just really a simple person who is not closing my door on companionships. Maybe it has been a defense mechanism of sorts or I just choose to be choosy. Whatever the case may be, I’m happy. Nothing can change nor can take that away. And I think coming to terms with one’s own reality is the most important achievement of all.


YET, you do not stop there; you only laid the groundwork for building on your unique skills to create a greater impact.

Going back to my first ever entry, although I’m happy, “I can stand to be a lot happier”. God doesn’t want us to limit our contributions thereby downsizing our level of fulfillment.

Shocks! I am amazed!

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